


Rudolph, Guide My Heart Tonight

by scarletmanuka



Series: Lost Souls [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Christmas Fluff, FrostIron - Freeform, Loki (Marvel) Needs a Hug, Loneliness, M/M, Post-Avengers (2012), Tony Needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-23
Updated: 2017-12-23
Packaged: 2019-02-18 22:11:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13109523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scarletmanuka/pseuds/scarletmanuka
Summary: Whilst returning a gift for Pepper after their break up, Tony faces not only the crazy Christmas crowds, but also his aching loneliness. He runs into the last person he expects to see at a mall - Loki - but perhaps this is the Christmas miracle he didn't know he needed?





	Rudolph, Guide My Heart Tonight

The mall was packed with people, the crowd pushing and heaving as each shopper fought to complete their tasks as soon as possible so they could get home to their families. As a stout, red faced woman rudely barged past Tony, shouldering him to the side as she headed for the food court, he began to have second thoughts about how clever it was to attempt to do this on Christmas Eve of all days. The small jewellery box felt like a heavy weight in his pocket, but that was nothing compared to the heaviness in his heart. He’d brooded for over a week now, unable to concentrate on anything but his broken heart, and seeing the small, red velvet box on his dresser every day was keeping him from coming to grips with the fact that Pepper was gone.

It was ironic really, how it had all happened. With his chequered dating history and reputation he had always thought that it would be himself who made a mistake and ruined everything. He’d never even imagined that it would be Pepper who strayed. And really, he probably could have dealt with it if she’d been honest, if she’d admitted that he wasn’t enough for her, that she needed more. He was an open minded guy - they could have worked something out. But no, she’d not only kept it from him, but she’d brought her lover home to  _ their bed _ , which was a line he would never cross, even if he’d felt the need to be with someone else. 

Mulling over the circumstances that had him returning his unfaithful girlfriend’s Christmas present must have caused his face to be as dark as a thundercloud because people seemed to go out of their way to give Tony space now, even though he was trying to hide beneath the pulled up hoodie. He walked alone in a packed shopping mall, a bubble of space and loneliness around him; even the few people who recognised him seemed to sense that now was  _ not _ the time to ask for an autograph or a photo. He plodded through the crowd, heading for the exclusive jewellery store that he’d visited only three weeks before. This would have been their first Christmas together as a couple and he’d gone out of his way to find something special for Pepper - he'd not even delegated buying it to one of his assistants. He’d been hoping she would have loved the gift, but now he knew she didn't even love him. 

Tony didn't think he’d ever been so lonely before, or so disconnected from the world around him. He felt numb, almost like a ghost, haunting the empty penthouse apartment at the top of Stark Tower and then venturing out to float, unseen, amongst the happy, holiday shoppers. He’d not known just how happy and content he’d been until suddenly he wasn't anymore. All it had taken was a single moment to destroy everything, just the second it took to walk through the bedroom door and to find Pepper in the throes of passion with another man.

He reached the store and stepped inside, noticing the immediate quieting around him compared to the throng outside. Only a handful of people were browsing the high end store and of those, half couldn’t afford even the cheapest item and were just browsing. A pretty young brunette was behind the counter and she smiled brightly at him as he stepped forward to be served. “Good afternoon, sir, how may I help you today?” It was clear that she recognised him since he doubted she would treat just anyone dressed in an old, grey hoodie and tatty jeans in such a friendly manner.

“Uh, hi, I need to return this,” he said, plucking the velvet box from his pocket and sliding it over the counter.

The woman picked it up and opened the box, revealing the delicate gold and ruby heart pendant within. “Oh, this is a beautiful piece, you have great taste. Would you like to exchange it for another piece that might be more to her liking?”

Tony grunted. “No, apparently it’s  _ me _ who’s not to her liking, not the necklace. I’ll just take a refund, thanks.”

The brunette’s face brightened at this but she quickly schooled her expression to one of complete professionalism. “Certainly, sir. Do you have the receipt and the card you originally purchased it on?”

Tony handed both over and waited whilst she processed the return. Once it was done he scrawled his signature on the receipt, feeling a tiny bit of closure now that he was free of the reminder of the Christmas he could have had. Now he just had to deal with the loneliness that was going to  _ be _ his Christmas.

“Will you be needing anything else, Mr Stark?” the woman asked, a coy tilt to her head that spoke louder than words that she really did mean  _ anything _ . “I don’t have any plans for this evening so I can keep you company if you’d like?”

He was tempted, he couldn’t deny that. Sex had always been a means of escape for him and escape was something he wanted badly right now. But as much as she had betrayed him, Pepper had also shown Tony that there was more to sex than just seeking meaningless pleasure from another willing body. There could be depth to the act, a connection deeper than merely inserting tab A into slot B. Tony doubted that he would ever feel satisfied with a casual fling again, and as shitty as he was feeling now, he really didn't want to wake on Christmas day to find himself feeling much worse when he realised the pretty brunette in the sheets next to him was essentially just a warm piece of meat. 

“Sorry,” he apologised with a small smile, “but I already have plans.”

She hid her disappointment well and merely wished him a “Merry Christmas,” before turning to serve the next customer. 

Tony left the store, feeling a lightness that he’d not had when he’d entered, but some of that was due to the hollow feeling inside him. Despite the almost claustrophobic crush of the last minute Christmas shopping crowd, Tony didn’t want to be alone, so he made his way to the nearest coffee shop to get himself a drink and to sit for a while before he headed back to his empty tower. The store was just as busy as the rest of the mall and the queue snaked its way through the tables, all the way to the door. He joined the end of it, pulling his hood further over his eyes as he saw two teenage girls peering at him curiously. One of them said something to the other, looking confident that she recognised him, so Tony swung around to look in the other direction. 

And collided with a tall, lean man who was leaving the store with his coffee.

“Oh, shit, I’m so sorry,” Tony said, grabbing a handful of serviettes from one of the tables and dabbing at the large coffee stain on the front of the man’s sweater. 

“Do watch where you’re going,” an oddly familiar voice chided.

Tony looked up and his eyes widened as they met the bright green ones of none other than Loki Laufeyson. The god had cut his hair shorter, the ebony locks just kissing his shoulders, and he was dressed in black jeans and a green sweater, looking like any regular human, but there was absolutely no mistaking who he was. Those glorious eyes and sharp cheekbones had starred in several interesting dreams of Tony’s and his voice was just as captivating now as it had been when he’d been threatening the genius the night of the Chitauri invasion. 

Loki’s eyes widened almost comically as he recognised Tony and for a moment he seemed at a loss for words. There was no mistaking the flash of panic that crossed his features either and the god looked ready to run. Tony had had no idea that Thor’s younger brother was on Earth, let alone in New York, and he couldn't really understand  _ why _ he was here, seeming to blend in with the rest of the populace. 

Despite the fact that Loki had once tried his best to kill him and invade the planet, Tony couldn’t help but feel relief at seeing the god. The few times that they had interacted, their banter had almost had an edge of flirting to it, and the Asgardian had certainly seemed to understand what made Tony tick. Instantly the dark waters of Tony’s loneliness seemed to recede and he quipped, “I thought you would be an expert at navigating the crowds at Christmas, Reindeer Games,” in an attempt to prolong their interaction. They may have been enemies but suddenly Tony wasn’t by himself anymore.

Loki had been turning, about to leave but he stopped short at Tony’s words, his brow furrowing in confusion. “I beg your pardon? I have no idea of what you speak of.”

“You know, with helping to guide Santa’s sleigh? Cos you’re a reindeer. Like Rudolph.”

Loki shook his head. “Have you sustained a head injury? You’re not making any sense.” He turned to leave once more.

Throwing caution to the wind and following an impulse so strong that it was almost like an electric shock, Tony reached out and grabbed Loki’s wrist to keep him there. “Let me buy you a coffee to replace the one I spilled.”

The god’s eyebrows rose high in shock. “Here I was thinking that you’d recognised me, Stark, but perhaps you have not.”

Tony grinned. “Oh no, I recognise you. Do you think just  _ anyone _ has such fabulous headgear to earn them such a nickname?”

Loki frowned but kept close to Tony as they were shuffled closer to the counter as the queue moved. “Yet you wish to have coffee with me? Why?”

The genius shrugged. “Can’t a guy want to catch up with the person who threw him out of a window forty stories up without it raising suspicions?”

“Generally not, but then again, I’m still learning about Earth’s customs,” Loki admitted, taking the question seriously. “Perhaps this is normal here?”

“I wouldn’t say normal for  _ here,  _ but maybe you’ll accept normal for  _ me _ ?”

Green eyes darted around the shop but Loki obviously didn't see anyone lurking in the shadows who may be a danger to him. His shoulders seemed to slump a little and he finally nodded. “Very well, I accept you offer, Stark.”

“Excellent! Now, what were you having?” Tony peered at the dregs of the beverage in the bottom of the takeaway cup Loki was still holding.

“A peppermint mocha,” Loki replied with not even a hint of embarrassment. 

Tony laughed. “Very Christmassy. Seems you’re getting into the season.”

“I still do not understand this holiday, but I find the combination of chocolate and mint to be very favourable.”

“The God of Mischief has a sweet tooth - who would have thought it?”

They had reached the counter and a teenage boy with mousey brown hair and an unfortunate case of acne asked for their order in a bored tone. “Two large peppermint mochas, please,” the genius requested, and ignored the delicately raised eyebrow from the Asgardian. “What?” he asked indignantly as Loki sniggered at him as he swiped his card.

“It appears Iron Man  _ also _ has a sweet tooth.”

He shrugged. “Tis the season and all that. Gotta indulge every now and then.”

They moved off to the side to wait for their orders, falling into an oddly comfortable silence. Tony knew that he should be worried at how little he felt that his life was being threatened right now, but then again, he really had no idea what had happened to Loki after Thor had dragged him back to the Fairyland to answer to Papa. The mage certainly didn't  _ seem _ dangerous right now; in fact, he appeared to be almost skittish, like there was something more dangerous than him out there that he was avoiding. That more than anything should have had Tony on alert - but instead he was just enjoying the way his loneliness had eased. He’d have never have thought that a psychotic demi-god would be good company, but then again he would never have thought he’d find Pepper shoved full of another man’s cock, so it just went to show that his thoughts were way off. 

His name was called and Tony collected the drinks but didn't hand over Loki’s just yet. The god held out his hand expectantly, glaring at the shorter man when he was denied. “I have already developed a dependency on caffeine, Stark - do  _ not _ test me.”

“I won’t, but just promise not to run off once you have what you want.”

That delicate brow was furrowed once more, Loki seeming to have trouble following Tony’s train of thought. “Whatever do you mean?”

Tony sighed and handed over the coffee, feeling suddenly old and tired. “I just felt like company, that’s all, but if you have somewhere better to be, then I won’t keep you. Enjoy your Christmas, Loki.” He turned to go but was stopped by a hand on his arm.

“I don’t,” the god blurted. “Have anywhere to be, that is.” He hesitated, like he was fighting to form the right words. “I can, if you want, I mean, if you would like some company, I am happy to keep it with you.”

“You are?”

Loki nodded, looking slightly bashful. “I am.”

Feeling happier than he should at hearing this, Tony smiled. “How about we ditch the crowds and go for a walk?”

“You realise it’s snowing outside?”

He shrugged. “We’ll make it a brisk walk. Or is it too cold for you?”

Loki smiled, and it seemed sad. “The cold does not bother me, Stark. A walk would be most welcome.”

They made their way through the bustling mall and into the brisk outdoor air. Low clouds made the afternoon darker than usual and few people seemed to be out on the streets. It was almost eerie, seeing such a busy city so quiet, blanketed in a thick layer of snow that dampened the noise of the traffic. They headed towards Central Park and followed one of the paths, losing themselves amongst the trees. They passed a lone jogger, but otherwise saw no one else. Tony knew he should be worried, knowing that he was alone with a dangerous criminal, but instead he just felt a feeling of contentment. The loneliness had dissipated and Loki’s warmth at his side was comforting. He took a sip from his mocha and watched as his breath fogged in the air. Loki’s did as well but to a lesser degree. 

The god saw him watching and explained, “I have a much lower body temperature.”

“Really? That’s odd because Thor seems to run hotter than us humans.”

“That’s because Thor is Asgardian.”

“You’re not?”

He shook his head, his hair brushing away flakes of snow that had settled on the shoulders of his green sweater. “Did Thor not explain to you about my heritage?”

“Not really. He mentioned that you’re adopted, that you went by Laufeyson now and not Odinson but not much else.”

Loki smiled and this time it was bitter. “I suppose it’s because it depicts Odin in bad light and Thor would  _ never _ disparage his father.” He sighed. “Odin stole me when he conquered my home. I am a Jotun, a Frost Giant, and my home world is a place of ice and cold.”

Tony peered up at him. “You’re tall but I wouldn’t call you a giant.”

The mage shrugged. “I know little about my heritage. It could be that I am a runt, though there is some evidence that Jotun magic wielders are smaller than their warrior counterparts.”

“So are most races around the universe humanoid?”

“Some are, not all. Humans do resemble Asgardians rather strongly, and Jotun to some degree, but the differences are profound.”

“You don’t look all that different,” Tony protested.

Loki shook his head. “What you see of my appearance is a glamour, laid upon me by Odin to obscure my true identity.”

“Oh.” The genius couldn’t help but feel disappointed that he had never seen the real Loki before. The form walking next to him was lovely (unlike Pepper, he had kept his fantasies confined to his imagination, but the god had featured in several of them) but he had no doubts that whatever other form Loki took, it would be just as magnificent. 

Some of his thoughts must have shown through as Loki almost stumbled in surprise. “You would wish to see me?” he asked haltingly.

“I do but I have a feeling it would be rude to ask though, you know, since we’ve only been civil to each other for half an hour or so.”

The mage shook his head. “No, I do not think it rude.”

“Then what’s wrong?”

“I was raised to consider the Jotun to be monsters, terrifying creatures who would come after you if you didn’t eat your vegetables. Most would never wish to look upon me in my natural form.”

“I hate to break it to you, Rudolph, but I’m not  _ most people _ .”

Loki gave him an appraising look. “No, you’re not, are you?”

“I’m not a big fan of vegetables, either,” Tony joked, but then turned serious, “Look, you don’t have to show me if you don’t want - I just wanted to understand. I’m happy to just take your word for it though since I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable. This was supposed to be a nice walk, not a visit to a freak show.”

“Perhaps that’s why I chose to stay in this form - so I do not become one of the ‘freaks’.”

Tony stopped them and held up a hand. “I didn't mean it like that!”

“Yet you were speaking the truth.”

The genius held his hand over his chest where the arc reactor hummed silently beneath his skin. “There’s enough funky stuff about me to classify me as a freak as well, so even if it’s true, you’re not alone.”

“I shall forever be alone, Stark.”

There was such a deep sadness and regret to the god’s voice that Tony couldn’t help but ask, “Why is that, Loki? What happened to you after you left here?”

Tony was almost certain that his question would go unanswered - whatever this odd truce was between them, it had been a deeply personal question. Perhaps Loki was feeling a need to connect as much as the billionaire was though as he surprised Tony by answering. “When Thor returned home with me, I was put to trial for my actions here on Earth. What many do not know is that those actions were not entirely my own. Yes, I wished to punish Thor by hurting the world he loved, but I had not planned upon doing so in such a grand scale. I will not delve into the circumstances surrounding it, but I came into the company of a being called The Other, who works for the Mad Titan. They had plans of their own and through the use of the scepter, took control of me.”

“Wait, you’re saying that you were mind controlled, like you did to Clint and Selvig?” Tony asked, shocked.

Loki nodded. “Indeed,”

“So you were punished for something you didn't do?”

“Do not mistake me for an angel, Stark. I may not have had plans for world domination, but I  _ did _ have plans to cause chaos here.”

“Would that chaos have been so deadly?”

Loki considered this. “Perhaps not, but that is beside the point - I was plucked from my own path and set down on that of another and it was for that journey that I was punished. The Allfather did not show me any leniency and chose a fate worse than death for me - banishment from Asgard.”

“How could that be worse than death? Or being locked up for the rest of your life?”

Loki’s gaze seem fixed on something in the far distance. “My life expectancy is similar to that of an Asgardian and so I have many millenia left to live. Although I was not born of it, Asgard is my home, Stark, and it always will be, yet I can never return. I will also never see my mother again. If I had been incarcerated then I would have had visitation rights, and seeing her through the bars of a cell is better than never seeing her again. I may not have had many friends on Asgard, but I had Frigga and now I have lost even her.” He fell quiet, seemingly lost in thought and they walked in silence for a time.

Tony began to shiver, his clothing not at all appropriate for the weather but he was too stubborn to say anything - a walk in the snow had been his idea after all. He crossed his arms and tucked his hands into his armpits for warmth, his head beant against the wind. “So could you go anywhere you wished?” he asked further. “Or did Odin decide you had to come here?”

“I was free to go anywhere, so long as it was not Asgard.”

“Okay, so why here then?”

“I’m not entirely certain. Something about this place drew me in, though I am not sure what. I had thought one place would be the same as another, but instead I found myself here.” It was clear he wasn’t telling the whole truth, and Tony guessed that it was because of that fear he had seen flash across Loki’s face when they’d first met at the coffee shop. Loki paused, then asked, “Now that I have shared the tragedy that is my life, what has befallen you? I would have thought that you would be attending one celebration after another, surrounded by your loyal Avengers and your friends.”

“Hah! You seem to think my life is much more emotionally stable than it actually is.” Tony shook his head. “No, the Avengers assemble for threats but when we’re not busy with that, we tend to go our separate ways. They all have rooms at the Tower and they do use them from time to time, but mostly they’re off doing their own thing, being with their own families.”

“You have no family of your own?”

Swallowing hard, he gave his head yet another shake. “No, my parents died years ago, I was betrayed by my mentor, and my girl just the other day decided that I wasn’t good enough for her. I’m just a lonely loner.” He glanced across at the god. “And yet, I’m not alone right now. Thank you for that, Loki.”

He’d half expected a snarky retort but instead he was gifted with a warm smile, the first genuine smile he had ever seen on Loki’s face. “I should thank you, Stark, for the offer of coffee. I hadn’t known how therapeutic it would be to discuss my situation out loud.”

“They say it’s better out than in.”

The mage paused as they were passing under the heavy branches of a large fir tree, the path beneath only sparsely dusted with snow. “Perhaps we should call an end to this walk, though,” he suggested.

Swallowing down his disappointment, Tony said, “Oh?”

“You continue to refer to me as Rudolph, Stark, yet  _ you _ are the one with the red nose. You’re absolutely freezing.”

“Oh, um, well, it’s not too bad. If we keep moving, I doubt I’ll freeze to death.” He desperately wanted to say that he also didn't want to stop their conversation, that he didn't want to be alone.

The god hesitated for a split second and then stepped forward, reaching up to cup at Tony’s cheek. His body temperature may have been lower than a human’s but his hand felt warm against Tony’s skin and his closeness caused Tony’s heart to stutter in his chest. “I did not think I would ever find anyone on this planet that I could connect with, and yet I have enjoyed this discussion.”

Tony didn't take any time to think if what he was about to do was crazy, stupid, dangerous, or all three. All he knew was that despite the cold, he was no longer numb, and it was because of the green eyed god standing before him. He surged forward, crushing their lips together, his free hand reaching up to clasp at Loki’s neck and hold him in place.

Loki gasped a little in surprise and then seemed to melt into the kiss, the hand on Tony’s cheek caressing his skin with his thumb. They broke apart and he regarded the genius steadily, his glorious eyes searching Tony’s face. “What exactly do you want of me, Stark?”

“I have absolutely no idea,” Tony admitted. “But I thought perhaps, if you’re interested, we could work that out together? Spend Christmas with me?”

He took a long moment to think about it but finally Loki nodded. “Like you, I do not wish to be alone. I accept your offer.”

Feeling suddenly giddy, Tony stepped back and slipped one of his hands into Loki’s and they turned and headed back along the way they’d come in. For the first time since he’d discovered Pepper in bed with another man, Tony felt hopeful. Now that he had his very own reindeer, perhaps this Christmas wouldn’t be as bad as he’d thought.

  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Depending on how I go with my WIP, I might find some time to write a smutty follow up to this story if anyone is interested :)


End file.
